Today is the Semicolon Project day. Last year, I wrote a post about EDNOS, my decision to recover, and my determination to get through it. Now, a year later since I started recovery, I stand, happy and full of passion, ready to continue on with my life.
Throughout the spring and early summer, I often found myself asking why I was recovering. I felt that the other side of the fence truly was not greener, and that it would be easier to just go back to my disordered ways. I broke down sometimes because I was afraid to keep going. I felt the need to cling to self hate- it had become an identity.
But I stuck with recovery. I was encouraged by Christ, by my family, by my friends, and by myself to keep going.
I heard Freeman Hrabowski III give a speech at the Biomedical Science Careers Program conference the other week. There were many inspirational lines, but the one that I will never forget is this:
You do not have time to be a victim.
Whoever you are, you do not have time to be a victim. You do not have time to be a victim to society, to the standards set before you, to the expectations people have of you….
You do not have time to be a victim to your bad self esteem, your eating disorder, your depression, your insomnia, or any of your mental illnesses and thoughts.
You will never get back the years that you’re living now, whether you are 10 or 100. You need to make the most of what you were given because every single second is a miracle.
You are NOT OBLIGATED to be brought down and trapped by anyone or anything.
So get the help. Talk to someone. Reach out.
Because what you do have time for is change.